Love That Endures

It was during her second year in college that Candy decided to pursue swimming lessons to perfect her skills. She enjoyed the activities thoroughly and so she eagerly anticipated attending every week.

It was then that she noticed Mark was playing water polo with other guys in the deeper pool. She was impressed with his skills. He was attracted to her so he would escort her to her hostel nearby after the classes. She thought he was a perfect gentleman. She soon became fond of Mark. She was trying to avoid another relationship. The pain that ensued the end of her last relationship was still fresh in her mind. Mark could not wait. He was afraid he would lose her if he did. She lavished the attention he gave her. She reasoned that they had some things in common such as the same faith and mutual friends. They also had similar interests in swimming and chess.

Soon they were officially a couple. Mark felt like a champion now that he had conquered her heart. By all appearances they were in love with each other. However, innumerable disagreements and conflicts contributed to the end of the relationship several times. Eventually it seemed like they had both had it. They both agreed this is it. They would not resume the relationship.

As fate would have it, the separation was short lived. She had many admirers and she dated other men, but somehow she believed that Mark was her soul mate. Then, while they took a romantic stroll together one evening, he stopped to buy her a rose. It was Valentine's Day, and he used the opportunity to propose. She accepted. They began planning the wedding.

She remembered a few nights prior to the wedding their officiating pastor asked them both what would they do if after marriage either one or both decided that they wanted to get out the marriage. Candy thought it was a trick question. In any case she informed him that their love would endure and last even beyond death. According to her, this special love was all that was required to make the relationship last forever.

Within three months after the engagement they were happily married. At least that's what she thought. Until she began to feel lonely, rejected and neglected. Her husband was always playing football with his male friends, visiting church friends without inviting her and he generally spent hours away from home in the evenings as well as during weekends. She felt helpless. The worst part is that she soon became a victim of physical, emotional and verbal abuse. She entertained thoughts such as: Did I make a mistake? Was I conned into the marriage? Is he trying to avoid contact with me? Will I ever survive this plight?

In the midst of everything she decided to not tell anyone of her marital problems with the hope that things would improve and that they would soon genuinely enjoy each others company like during the courtship days. Two years passed, then she discovered that she was pregnant.

She tried very hard to be a good wife and mother.  She approached their new pastor for counseling, but he seemed to blame her for their marital problems. He arrogantly informed them that they were to never complain to him about their marriage ever again. She was convinced at that point that he too was having marital problems, but did not know how to handle his own affairs. She was not surprised when his marriage soon ended in divorce. She realized that her attempt to get his help was a big mistake.

She decided to return to her parents' home. However this was the start of innumerable separations, just like their courtship. They finally decided to make the relationship work. She made it clear to him though that if he ever left her again, he would not be allowed to return. She expected him to be loyal and committed just like he promised during his wedding vows. He agreed. Years passed and they now both had four children.

The relationship did improve. There was no more physical abuse and he seemed to have more respect for her. However, about twelve months after making that promise he decided to leave again. She was shocked. It seemed to her that there was no apparent reason at that time for him to leave, so she could not understand. This was a vulnerable time for her in that a very good friend of hers had just died and she was still grieving over the sudden death. He deserted her anyway. He did not even attempt to meet his families financial needs. She had no choice, but to find creative ways to provide for her children and herself with the meager income she received at that time. It was a struggle, but she decided that she and the children would survive even without his help.

Months followed and Mark attempted to return. She made it clear to him that he had broken his promise again. He failed in his commitment and he did not set a good example for their sons. If she allowed him to return, she would be conveying to their sons that his behavior was acceptable and tolerable. Then they could conclude that it would be right to treat their partners the same way. In addition, she was tired of him playing with her emotions. As far as she was concerned it was over this time.

Mark seemed to blame the failed marriage on Candy. He told her, and others, that he left her because it was evident to him that she did not love him and he could not spend the rest of his life with a woman who did not love him. He was convinced that it was a one sided relationship.

He said he made the decision to leave her when he went to his friend's fiftieth wedding anniversary celebration. He knew his friend was having marital problems. He believed that his friend was being hypocritical by giving the impression he was happily married since he agreed to participate in the celebration. Apparently Mark used that excuse as his license to have extramarital affairs, since he got involved with several other women even before he left his wife.

Candy still could not understand what went wrong in their relationship. She was led to feel guilty for causing all the problems, but she really did not think she was such a bad person. She knew she loved her husband, but his behavior drove her far from him. He soon appeared as a total stranger to her.

It was now thirty years after their wedding day and they both were contemplating a divorce. They were separated for more than two years now. She started to reflect on the relationship she had with Mark.  At that point she remembered that before she and Mark started courting he was to marry someone else. He terminated the wedding plans and decided to end the relationship with the fiance he had then. He claimed that the relationship would not have worked, but he did not elaborate with any valid reason. Candy never saw that as a warning to her. She actually believed that happened because he was destined to marry her.

She finally recognized that both her courtship with Mark and their marriage were both unstable. She saw marriage as a lifetime commitment since she promised to never leave until death parted them. It was not an easy road, but she was still committed to him. She reluctantly left him when he physically abused her, because she knew it was not wise to stay with an abusive partner. She hoped that he would change, and that the separation would be temporary. He did stop the abuse and the relationship was restored.

As she reflected on his lifestyle, she recognized his instability had a critical effect on the marriage. She could have avoided a lifetime of heartache if she heeded to his double mindedness even before they were engaged to be married.

It occurred to her that he has had a pattern of instability in every area of his life. In essence, he was a quitter. He never honored his word hence he could not commit himself to his job, his marriage and to any promises he made. Therefore she became less surprised that he had not even honored his commitment to provide financial support for his family. She shuddered as she thought how he blamed her for everything over the years. Isn't that what unstable people do anyway? She thought. She finally realized that it was his lack of commitment to the marriage which led to his infidelity and eventually the ultimate end of the marriage. She blamed herself for not being wise during the courtship and sensible enough to end the relationship permanently then. Now she must survive with the scars of the past.

What is the moral of the story you ask? In reality relationships do fail. In almost every instance it is because one or both partners cease to be committed to the other. In reality they may never truly have loved each other.

Unfortunately many people who claim they love each other are actually victims of infatuation or lust. Their love has a condition such as I love you as long as you are beautiful or I love you as long as you make me happy. It is not the unconditional love that states I love you regardless of what you do or what you look like. It does not matter how you make me feel. I am committed to you for the rest of my life even if you do not love me back.

This attitude of unconditional love, my dear friends, is the enduring love which unfortunately is lacking in the world today. Hence so many relationships are painfully ending in divorce. When we tell someone we are committed to them we must mean what we say or else those words are empty and useless. Let us strive to truly love one another, not in a selfish manner, but in a way that we would give our all and not ask for anything in return, even if it hurts. Enduring love gives without asking for anything in return.

Chris Medina had hoped to marry the woman of his dreams. Unfortunately, she was seriously injured in a motor vehicle accident two months before the wedding. Regardless, he chose to honor his commitment to her as he had promised prior to the accident. He is featured here singing What Are Words, a song which was dedicated to his fiance. The words of this song are truly powerful.

He also had the privilege of telling the world about the accident and the impact it has had on his fiance on the Jay Leno show. The lyrics for this song are tremendous and truly represent enduring love.

How many people actually love their partners in such a way that they can declare their devotion even in the midst of the pain as witnessed by the world?

What if like Candy you love someone, and you are devoted to that person yet they do not feel the same way about you? Do you leave them? Do you tolerate them? Do you seek help? Do you seek a separation and move on with your life?

Unfortunately, this is a common scenario in the world. Many spouses grieve because they married someone who was selfish, yet they were oblivious to that negative aspect prior to the marriage.

Well, one such husband was faced with such a dilemma. His wife left him. She said she would return, but she never did. He was accused by her as being 'too nice'. I know it seems like a fairy tale, but you can see and hear for yourself. What do you think of this account on these videos?

If you are married, or you are thinking of marriage, let me encourage you to be committed to your partner through good times as well as bad times. Remember the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. As far as I am concerned, true love only comes through knowing and accepting the love of Jesus Christ. When I found Him, I found true and enduring love. He demonstrated this love by dying for us. He will never leave us nor forsake us. Let him prove His love to you by trusting Him. Let Him demonstrate this enduring love to you and through you.